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Confidence or Something Like It

I follow a few blogs and every now and then I come across posts that really…(move?) me.  Today, two of them came from the same author: Four-Wheeled Wonder Woman.  In one post she talks about confidence.  I applaud her for her openness.  My confidence is on a constant rollercoaster.  I am confident that I am a stand-out person.  I am confident that I have much to offer.  I am not always so confident that the world can see just what I can do.  I am not always confident that this journey to a healthier self will be successful.  Often times, I re-read things I’ve written and I have to wonder: TiaraLanice, who are you trying to convince?  Well yes! I’m trying to convince me!

The road to weight loss and a healthy being is incredibly difficult.  It’s made even more difficult when you are limited in WHAT you can do to keep the weight off or lose it in the first place.  So yes, my confidence wanes and waxes with the sun *shrug*.  Here’s what I mean: Confidence is at an all time high for me when I’m in the gym, sweating, breathing heavy from a good workout, feeling limber from a great yoga session.  Confidence is at a super low when I realize two weeks later that I did everything correctly and have lost no weight.  I makes me question why I even try.

I try for myself.  I try because I do not want to be that woman you see on T.V. who is so fat she cannot even sit up; or so fat that you need cranes to move her around.  Remember, I am very independent and enjoy that I can do for myself.

I try for the next person.  I try because you never know who is watching and will be motivated to do better for him/herself.  Normally, I’d hate to be the “inspiration” but, it’s something I cannot avoid.  I am a woman in a wheelchair leading a hopefully full and meaningful life.  I will always be seen as some type of inspiration for the simplest things (like grocery shopping. I kid you not). So if I am going to be the person anyway, let me be an inspiration and motivation for the person who lazes around all day or complains about their 50 chins.  If I can slide out of my chair and do a downward dog on my stumps, you can at least walk up the last flight of stairs.

I try because nothing happens without effort. Period.

It’s just those moments when it seems nothing is happening, even with all the trying, that my confidence level dips below sea level.  So: Fake it.  Fake it until you make it.  People say when you repeat something enough, you begin to believe it yourself.  So here it is:

photo credit: Dawn Grant

photo credit: Dawn Grant

In the midst of all things self-defeating, you will find confidence.


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