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An Exercise In Futility?

Another blogger in a wheelchair posted her thoughts on what it’d be like to live in 1949.  I re-blogged that post and my own thoughts here. I just wanted to take a moment to expand on those thoughts.

As I read the post I had to remind myself that she was referring to 1949 England.  Wow! I thought. 1949 England sounds like a pretty decent place…until I remember it was still 1949.  The point is that it seemed like the government really made strides to be inclusive of people with disabilities.  I’m not so sure 1949 or even 2013 USA is doing that.  You can disagree all you want to, but until you roll a few miles in my broken chair, that i can’t replace because I don’t have insurance, then please, just sit and listen.

I have in the past to find it incredibly difficult to find employment, I disabled just enough for there to be a need for people to modify things for me to require access, but not so disabled that I am useless to the community, the Disability Discrimination Act or DDA came into force in 1995 and with it a new set of laws designed to incorporate those less fortunate into society and promote equality in this fair land of ours.  In most fields, and with a little help from the 2012 paralimpics things in some areas and in recent times have got better, Employment isn’t one of these. – Four Wheeled Wonder Woman

I agree.  The US is no better.  I have several degrees, am 30 and have so much to offer yet, I cannot make it past the interview stage.  I want to say it’s me!  It can’t be anyone else BUT me!  And I’m right.  It is me, but it isn’t really my fault.  I’ve come to realize that when the hiring manager sees anything that will make them have to modify ANYTHING just a little (be it move a desk or lower some boxes) they immediately take me out of the running.  How else do you explain it? I have proven a contributing member of society.  I have a great education. I have a great resume (full of volunteer positions but, still great).  And yet, after I leave the office and give the final handshake, that is the last I hear from them…ever.  I began wondering what was wrong with me.  What was I doing wrong? Did I not ask the right questions or did I not say the right things? According to many, I do well!

Tiara, honey, everyone is going through that. The economy is bad.  Yes! True! However it is even more difficult for people like me.  Someone told to find an agency that helps disabled people.  I find them and learn they are for those who have a developmental disability.  The original blogger wrote:

As a Disabled child until the age of 18, the support available to you is constant, full on and all consuming, at the age of 18 everything stops and you, as an adult are left to fend for yourself.  Leaving people lonely isolated and unstimulated.

I remember those days.  Sick? Go to the doctor! Insurance will cover it.  Broken wheelchair? No problem, just mosey on down to the hospital and get a new one. Need a program to “get a head?” You got it! And then I turned 17 and graduated high school.  I felt like the kid who aged out of the foster system.


You’re On Your Own, Kid!
photo credit: Tim Sturtridge, 2013

It’s more than that.  It’s the feeling you get when you know you’ve done everything right and still can’t catch a break: not because times are hard, or because someone was just a bit better.  But because someone was just not YOU and that’s it. The EEOC doesn’t say managers have to hire me, it says I have to be given the same opportunity to be hired.  All that means is an interview.

My dream is law school.  I want to be in a position to affect the way my country works.  I also know that it will be a tremendous process.  I’m ready for it.  I just need society to be ready to give me a fair chance.

Until then, I guess everything I do and have done for the advancement of my career and betterment of my life will continue to be an exercise in futility.

But I’m keeping hope alive

One Step Closer…

December 7th has come and gone.  I took my LSAT!  Now it’s just waiting game.  I have about a week and a half left before I know the damage.  You guys, I don’t think you understand just how important this is for me.  LSAT scores (plus my application of course) determine, not just whether or not I get into law school, but also if I get into the ones I want.  Right now there are two at the top of my list.

Do you know what this waiting feels like? It’s like waiting for the results of an STD test after a weekend of “freelove” -_-.  It’s that serious.

Give freely, receive freely...just sayin

Give freely, receive freely…just sayin

I haven’t put my other goals on the back burner, though.  I’ve been a little less motivated but it’s still happening.  I’ve tried the whole save-money-use-the-apartment-gym thing but, I think the lack of other people is making it a little jaded for me.  I still have my gym membership so, I’ll be back in there.  ZUMBA EH!  I’ll admit, I do come up with a lot A LOT of excuses for not doing what I need to do but, as any GLO member can ask, “What are excuses?”  Answer: The tools of the weak and incompetent.

I am neither weak nor incompetent.  I’m a champion.

It’s true though.  I have a reason or two…or more for:

  1.  Not eating right (“Well, I don’t live alone and don’t want to have to cook two separate meals” or “Healthy food is expensive, if I just eat less I’ll be okay” or “I didn’t have time to pack a lunch before I left”).  I call BS on myself! I can make food that’s healthier for the both of us and still tastes good. I’ve done it before.  The farmer’s market just moved RIGHT across the street from me and if I can get over 3lbs of something for barely $5 why not?  And fine, there’s always the night before.
  2. Not working out as I should (“I workout better with a trainer but, they’re expensive” or “The equipment I need is not accessible for people like me” or the top excuse “I’ll go tomorrow at some point”)  Again BS on myself! Why? Because there are classes that are included with my membership.  Because I’ve already proven I don’t need special equipment. Hello! I’m a double-amputee and can do squats! Tomorrow’s today, point-blank-period.

You get it, I’m sure.

In OTHER news: I’ve invited my college friend “TW” of Success Weight Program to do a guest-post on my blog.  This girl…THIS woman is such an inspiration and I implore you to check out the FB page and blog.  1 year, 100 lbs and counting.  Ms. W is doing amazing things the healthy way and I can honestly say that watching her journey has been great.  I remember the days in college when we’d be up at almost 1AM ordering from a local spot called Crave Cave.  Yup, 1AM eating wings, wraps and whatever was greasy, because we could.  Not anymore.

Step One (revised): Find my motivation.  I think the ever-expanding rolls on my midsection and ill-fitting bras (I refuse to buy another size up) are motivation enough on the “looks” level.

Step Two (revised): Set a goal.  I promise myself that ONE YEAR from today I will be so many pounds lighter.  Because of my wheelchair it’s hard to set a weight goal, so let’s just say I’ll no longer be a XXL-XXXL but an XL or smaller.

She’s BACK!!!

Back again!

My journey took a small hiatus (read: over a month or two) but I’m back!  I got a little detoured after dealing with the loss of my brother and all that comes with that.  Then I found other ways to be busy.  Then I felt like the weight was starting to increase so I had to buckle down.

Tiara Lanice is back! That’s what matters.  I do not quit.  Even if I disappear from the workout world.  In that time, my journey has changed a little.  I’m on a journey to a healthier me, but I’m not just on a physical journey.  I want an all around better me and in my absence, I’ve been interviewing for jobs in law offices and and AND…applying to law school!!  Yes, I have picked my #1 and will submit my early decision application – as soon as I stop procrastinating.  Mental and Physical.  Two journeys in one.

I don’t remember if I said it or not but, I want to thank whoever made a donation towards the arrangements for my brother.  I received a donation from a very kind person (thank you) and realized he isn’t someone I know personally.  So if you are a follower here, thank you so much.  Ever dollar helped somehow.

So back to the workout:

Today Me and the workout buddy did arms and cardio.  Actually, he did arms and cardio.  I just did arms.  The plan was to do arms, abs, and cardio.  That changed to arms and abs in the morning then cardio in the evening…I never got around to the last two parts.  No, it wasn’t laziness, I just didn’t manage my time too well.

Tomorrow is something else.  I think back and chest.  We shall see.

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