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Options…Where Are They?

I haven’t been so concentrated on my “new, healthy me”.  I want to be but, the distractions are great.  I’m just a few months from being broke.  I’m going to get personal for a minute WP peeps.  I’m 30 years old and can’t say that I’ve ever held a true paying job.  Yes, summer job here and there but, nothing that I can say is true work experience – at least not in today’s job market.  I do a lot with my time.  I volunteer for organizations.  I’m not talking about soup-kitchen Fridays.  No, I’m talking about sitting on boards, making decisions…a job, just free.

But, here I am, people.  Unemployed.  In the past three weeks I think I’ve been on at least three or four interviews.  I even travelled to another part of the state, on my own dime, for a job that I ended up not getting.  I spoke (emailed) the hiring consultant and she told me they are still looking.  They haven’t found the right person for the job.  That doesn’t mean I’m still in the running, that means that IF I get the job they settled.  Two days ago I had a phone interview for a work-from-home position as an enrollment agent for an educational program.  Sales.  I received an email that SAME day saying they decided not to push me through to the next phase.  This past Monday I interviewed for a “Long Term Substitute Admin Assistant” (read: temporary receptionist).  The director said she’d let me know by Friday.  I’m hoping that the lack of a call means she fell behind on her work and will call me Monday.

It may sound like a bunch of griping to you but, I’ve been actively looking for a job since I graduated college in 2005! What are my options? I can’t even get a call center job? Receptionist? I’ve been trying to break into the legal field but, apparently I’m not good enough to be even a receptionist in a law office!

Two months.  That’s when I hit zero and run out of options.  No, I do have one last option: Move back to New York.  The state that I left because options there were worse than here in L.A.  Two months before … yeah.

I’m crying as I write this because I don’t know what else to do.  I feel like I’ve done everything I was supposed to do. I finished school, got a graduate degree, continued education, was diligent in my search, networked, built a resume, everything!  And I’m seeing people who are not as qualified get jobs!  Yes, I know I shouldn’t compare myself to other people but, when I see the certain people getting hired over me or before me, I have to wonder – What’s wrong with me?

Interview skills? I continue to work on that. Is it my resume? I’ve watered it down so much so I won’t look over qualified. Personality? People like me!  There aren’t many people I meet who do not like me.  Skills? Plenty.  So I ask again, what’s wrong with me? Someone said it’s not me, it’s the economy.  No, it’s me.

I’ll have to put law school on hold. I don’t have a choice! I can’t pay for it even with financial aid.  I can’t afford more loans for school.  I have to put my plans for a family on hold.  I can’t afford it!  I wanted to adopt and felt that I could do it by the time I was 35.  I guess not now.  New wheelchair? Not right now.

I’m so frustrated! There can be no Four Wheel Workout of mind or body when I’m busy spinning them trying to figure this all out.


Wow, not even good enough for a call center! When I read that email a couple hours ago, it completely ruined my night.  My significant other was trying so hard to lighten the mood but, I couldn’t.  I couldn’t laugh.  I just started at the TV.  SportsCenter.  I can’t even tell you what was on it…just started through the TV. 

I don’t even know why I keep trying.


Week Two and Still Going…

Today marks 7 days since I began this journey.  I am one 7 days closer to my goal and 14 days closer to forming a “habit”.  We kinda slacked last week.  We didn’t workout the full four days like we were supposed to and…I had french toast. It was sooooo good!

Mondays are abs and arms day.  Needless to say my arms feel a little noodly. But my abs are fine. For now, I guess.

I’m a smoker.  My workout buddy and I are smokers. He more than I.  I’m not going to say I’m quitting, but I decided it was high time to cut back.  If I smoke on average 7 cigarettes a day, then for now I’ll knock it down to 5 a day and eventual less and less and yeah, at some point I won’t be a smoker anymore!



OHHHH I’ve been craving sugar.  Yesterday I was so tempted to go out and buy something sweet and bad for me.  What stopped me? I couldn’t decide what to buy.  And also I knew I’d be so mad at myself for cheating.

Meditation – it will happen. It WILL happen!


set gaolsGoalsetting – so simple yet so hard. It’s easy to say “Yeah, I wanna be in shape!”  But that’s so vague.  What exactly are you trying to change? Is your goal to have the beach body? Is it to gain muscle and be Arnold ripped?  Is it something a little less superficial (not that hotbods are wrong)?

What exactly is my goal?

That’s what you have to ask yourself.  Knowing where you want to go makes it easier to plan how to get there. Example: I want to go to be a lawyer. So I have to go to law school (duh!) and to get in I have to do certain things.  Example: I want to be in-shape, but I don’t care about the beach body. What do I need to do?  Well, first is make some major changes.

Three days in and I think I’m doing quite well.  That’s 18 more days until technically a habit is formed. Major change one: eat right.  NOT eat less, but eat RIGHT.  I think that’s why so many diets fail.  No one ever said losing weight meant cutting out food and depriving your body.  Moderation, right?  All in moderation.  That doesn’t mean eat cake once a week because you used to do it twice a week.  It means don’t deprive your body of certain (usually good-for-you) foods because then you deprive your body of needed nutrients.

Major Change Two: Be active! Your body, our bodies, need activity.  It’s not enough to just eat well.  You have to DO something.  If not, then all that good-for-you food will just store up as extra calories and well that means fat. That was the next change on my way to my fitness goal.  So far so good.

Notice I haven’t yet put a number on my goal.  That’s for two reasons. One: I think that’s a lot of pressure. I’d rather count sizes than pounds.  Two: I don’t have access to a scale that will accurately weigh me.  Remember, I’m an amputee and can’t use a standard scale. I need a chair-scale, a roll-on scale or a bed-scale.  All of which are not readily available to me. SO! I’ll just track my size changes.  That will be easy since I have at least three different sizes in my closet.

Maybe I’ll buy an incentive outfit.

Goals set.

This can be done! Now, just reach the goals. Make a plan. I’m sure there are some flaws in mine but, I’ll keep doing trial-and-error. I know what works for me and what doesn’t work. I know my abilities and limitations.  That’s important! Just because ABC wheelchair user does something doesn’t meant that I can.  And just because I can, doesn’t mean ABC can.

See, even we’re customized!

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