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Options…Where Are They?

I haven’t been so concentrated on my “new, healthy me”.  I want to be but, the distractions are great.  I’m just a few months from being broke.  I’m going to get personal for a minute WP peeps.  I’m 30 years old and can’t say that I’ve ever held a true paying job.  Yes, summer job here and there but, nothing that I can say is true work experience – at least not in today’s job market.  I do a lot with my time.  I volunteer for organizations.  I’m not talking about soup-kitchen Fridays.  No, I’m talking about sitting on boards, making decisions…a job, just free.

But, here I am, people.  Unemployed.  In the past three weeks I think I’ve been on at least three or four interviews.  I even travelled to another part of the state, on my own dime, for a job that I ended up not getting.  I spoke (emailed) the hiring consultant and she told me they are still looking.  They haven’t found the right person for the job.  That doesn’t mean I’m still in the running, that means that IF I get the job they settled.  Two days ago I had a phone interview for a work-from-home position as an enrollment agent for an educational program.  Sales.  I received an email that SAME day saying they decided not to push me through to the next phase.  This past Monday I interviewed for a “Long Term Substitute Admin Assistant” (read: temporary receptionist).  The director said she’d let me know by Friday.  I’m hoping that the lack of a call means she fell behind on her work and will call me Monday.

It may sound like a bunch of griping to you but, I’ve been actively looking for a job since I graduated college in 2005! What are my options? I can’t even get a call center job? Receptionist? I’ve been trying to break into the legal field but, apparently I’m not good enough to be even a receptionist in a law office!

Two months.  That’s when I hit zero and run out of options.  No, I do have one last option: Move back to New York.  The state that I left because options there were worse than here in L.A.  Two months before … yeah.

I’m crying as I write this because I don’t know what else to do.  I feel like I’ve done everything I was supposed to do. I finished school, got a graduate degree, continued education, was diligent in my search, networked, built a resume, everything!  And I’m seeing people who are not as qualified get jobs!  Yes, I know I shouldn’t compare myself to other people but, when I see the certain people getting hired over me or before me, I have to wonder – What’s wrong with me?

Interview skills? I continue to work on that. Is it my resume? I’ve watered it down so much so I won’t look over qualified. Personality? People like me!  There aren’t many people I meet who do not like me.  Skills? Plenty.  So I ask again, what’s wrong with me? Someone said it’s not me, it’s the economy.  No, it’s me.

I’ll have to put law school on hold. I don’t have a choice! I can’t pay for it even with financial aid.  I can’t afford more loans for school.  I have to put my plans for a family on hold.  I can’t afford it!  I wanted to adopt and felt that I could do it by the time I was 35.  I guess not now.  New wheelchair? Not right now.

I’m so frustrated! There can be no Four Wheel Workout of mind or body when I’m busy spinning them trying to figure this all out.

*pauses*

Wow, not even good enough for a call center! When I read that email a couple hours ago, it completely ruined my night.  My significant other was trying so hard to lighten the mood but, I couldn’t.  I couldn’t laugh.  I just started at the TV.  SportsCenter.  I can’t even tell you what was on it…just started through the TV. 

I don’t even know why I keep trying.

One Step Closer…

December 7th has come and gone.  I took my LSAT!  Now it’s just waiting game.  I have about a week and a half left before I know the damage.  You guys, I don’t think you understand just how important this is for me.  LSAT scores (plus my application of course) determine, not just whether or not I get into law school, but also if I get into the ones I want.  Right now there are two at the top of my list.

Do you know what this waiting feels like? It’s like waiting for the results of an STD test after a weekend of “freelove” -_-.  It’s that serious.

Give freely, receive freely...just sayin

Give freely, receive freely…just sayin

I haven’t put my other goals on the back burner, though.  I’ve been a little less motivated but it’s still happening.  I’ve tried the whole save-money-use-the-apartment-gym thing but, I think the lack of other people is making it a little jaded for me.  I still have my gym membership so, I’ll be back in there.  ZUMBA EH!  I’ll admit, I do come up with a lot A LOT of excuses for not doing what I need to do but, as any GLO member can ask, “What are excuses?”  Answer: The tools of the weak and incompetent.

I am neither weak nor incompetent.  I’m a champion.

It’s true though.  I have a reason or two…or more for:

  1.  Not eating right (“Well, I don’t live alone and don’t want to have to cook two separate meals” or “Healthy food is expensive, if I just eat less I’ll be okay” or “I didn’t have time to pack a lunch before I left”).  I call BS on myself! I can make food that’s healthier for the both of us and still tastes good. I’ve done it before.  The farmer’s market just moved RIGHT across the street from me and if I can get over 3lbs of something for barely $5 why not?  And fine, there’s always the night before.
  2. Not working out as I should (“I workout better with a trainer but, they’re expensive” or “The equipment I need is not accessible for people like me” or the top excuse “I’ll go tomorrow at some point”)  Again BS on myself! Why? Because there are classes that are included with my membership.  Because I’ve already proven I don’t need special equipment. Hello! I’m a double-amputee and can do squats! Tomorrow’s today, point-blank-period.

You get it, I’m sure.

In OTHER news: I’ve invited my college friend “TW” of Success Weight Program to do a guest-post on my blog.  This girl…THIS woman is such an inspiration and I implore you to check out the FB page and blog.  1 year, 100 lbs and counting.  Ms. W is doing amazing things the healthy way and I can honestly say that watching her journey has been great.  I remember the days in college when we’d be up at almost 1AM ordering from a local spot called Crave Cave.  Yup, 1AM eating wings, wraps and whatever was greasy, because we could.  Not anymore.

Step One (revised): Find my motivation.  I think the ever-expanding rolls on my midsection and ill-fitting bras (I refuse to buy another size up) are motivation enough on the “looks” level.

Step Two (revised): Set a goal.  I promise myself that ONE YEAR from today I will be so many pounds lighter.  Because of my wheelchair it’s hard to set a weight goal, so let’s just say I’ll no longer be a XXL-XXXL but an XL or smaller.

Keep Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

It’s SATURDAY!!!!  Almost one full week since I began this journey.  Almost 7 full days since I made a decision to be a better me.  I’m not sure I’d call today a cheat day or not. I didn’t have sweets, I kept the calories fairly low and I worked out.

Back and Abs.

Tomorrow is an early day and then just an early week at work all around.  I did the worst thing I could do: I brought my work home with me! And then didn’t touch it -_-.  It’ll get done. Tomorrow is another day, right?

What’s on the workout menu tomorrow? Chest, Arms, Cardio and Shoulders.

I don’t know. I feel pretty good. I’m proud of me. I’m proud of my workout buddy. Yeah, we slip up but, it’s a work in progress.  All I can say is that if you have a goal, do all you can to get to it.  Of course it’s important that you make sure those goals are realistic.  The last thing you want is some out-of-reach aspiration and do all this hard work to get there, not get there, quit.  No.  I learned a long time ago it was important to set your goals and then set subgoals (those little things you need to do to get to the finish line).  But then, don’t stop there.  What happens when that goal is complete? Do you just … stop?

No.

You make another one.  So. My Goal 2.1 is: after reaching an acceptable weight, I have to maintain it. Sounds simple, but it isn’t.

How’s it rolling world? What are you doing for you?

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